Ah, yes. A decidedly uncomfortable topic that all writers wrestle with. How accessible do you need to be for fans of your work, for readers, for the public eye? It’s not a simple answer and it’s not a simple question. But the truth of it all lies in how our culture has made it so easy for us as writers to interact with our fanbase and how easy it is for readers to keep in touch with us.

This can lead to discomfort on both sides . Most often on the sides of writers who find themselves unable to draw a line between where people can go and where they can’t.

For some, it’s a hard line drawn early. They are forgoing the marketing aspects of social media because they are already an established name. No matter where they are or what they write, their fans will find them and their work. They have no need to engage with fans online, to answer emails or attend every single event in their area to find more readers. That’s all well-said and done if you are lucky enough to already be established. If you aren’t fighting the algorithm and AI and all the other horrible things out there just to be noticed by readers.

Often, new writers are thrust into the expectations of the modern author which are that they need to be comfortable with every level of author/reader interaction. Physical bookstore appearances. An online book tour through various bloggers, be comfortable appearing on podcasts or interviews, multi-city multi-month travel just to ensure that the hyping up of the new book doesn’t end in disappointment for their faithful and ravenous readership. It’s a constant deluge of wearing an extrovert mask and strutting like a peacock when the majority of us just want to find a solitary place to work on the next book.

All of this movement and interaction means that we are constantly in front of people, some we know, some we don’t and some who fall into that grey area of people we don’t really know but ones who act as if they know us nonetheless.

What is more uncomfortable than encountering people who you are tangentially familiar with that mistake the necessary interaction of author with readership as friendship? Now, don’t get me wrong: I have several readers that I would consider friends at this point. This is through repeated interactions, in-person and online. I’ve built friendships with these people through mutual conversation, time together, and engaging in conversation about topics we both enjoy. Every time I interact with these people, it is because I enjoy talking with them. I enjoy being around them. They are safe because we have become friends.

I’m talking about people who do not take the time to try and build that friendship or do not respect boundaries, (sometimes physical but mostly online). People who rely on what they might have known about you twenty years ago when you were a different person. People who are interested only the knowledge you have gathered about publishing or the connections you might have with more popular writers. People who try to get close to you only because they are interested in climbing a ladder.

To put it in the words of Gene from Bob’s Burgers:

IT’S NOT OKAY.

Everyone should have safe spaces they can retreat to outside of the public eye when things become too much for them. If they have a day job, they should not feel like folks are coming to look for them there because that’s an easily accessible way to find the author they like.

When book shows are over and there are private author gatherings happening away from the venue, unless you are invited - that is a place for authors to find solace and escape. And if we have private social media accounts that are just for ourselves and not us as authors, be respectful of boundaries. Stop sending that friend request to the person who keeps rejecting it. Stop sending DMs to someone who never replies.

We are authors in the public eye. We put enough of ourselves on the pages of our books already. We give and give and give through public appearances and socials and in front of the microphone and more. Give us some room to breathe and be human, too?

And authors: LEAVE REVIEWERS ALONE! Reviews are not for you. Our space is our space. Reviews are a reader’s space. Don’t demand that they read your work. Don’t invade their privacy. It’s a two-way street.

Now, none of this is to say that making connections and networking is not healthy. I love meeting new writers. I love meeting new readers. I love interacting with them. But we all have our limits. This is a business for us but it isn’t our life. We are not wholly what we write. And when you make assumptions about us because of what you read in a book, please stop and take some steps back.

-Kat